his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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