he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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