I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
