you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
should my penis look like a turkey
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
