I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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