On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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