Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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