i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
