If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
