oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
