In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
