guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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