Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
