i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
