I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
