the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
