What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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