He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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