Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
