brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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