So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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