my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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