I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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