you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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