David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
