Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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