just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
