All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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