there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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