What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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