and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
