I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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