Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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