Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
