She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
