There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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