Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
