pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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