for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
