I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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