I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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