Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
