I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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