Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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