grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
