Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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