you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
