He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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