I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
