I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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