I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Someone signed my nipple.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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