My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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