Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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