What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
