your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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